i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
