Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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