He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I feel like abortions should bother me more
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
