plz talk dirty to me
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
