Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
