Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
