Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
