O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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