What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
