Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
