im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
