im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
