Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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