I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
