I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
