I accidentally burped into my bong.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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