I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
you win again, gameday.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
