Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You are a genius and a whore.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
