I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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