You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
