oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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