Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
