So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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