Texts From Last Night

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  (503): View more from Oregon

  PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...

  (515): View more from Iowa

  Ur type is ready and willing

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  (503): PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type... (515): Ur type is ready and willing http://tfl.nu/9xaj
  Replies (13) Good night (1782) Bad night (711)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?

  (1-702): View more from Nevada

  oh that explains alot.

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  (702): you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up? (1-702): oh that explains alot. http://tfl.nu/a8xe
  Replies (13) Good night (1155) Bad night (4230)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"

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  (319): he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you" http://tfl.nu/5pu4
  Replies (18) Good night (5247) Bad night (2546)
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.

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  (712): They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem. http://tfl.nu/r408
  Replies (6) Good night (2500) Bad night (1068)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.

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  (817): Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass. http://tfl.nu/wbhi
  Replies (18) Good night (3691) Bad night (991)
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  (530): View more from California

  The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.

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  (530): The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved. http://tfl.nu/1q3u
  Replies (3) Good night (2017) Bad night (836)
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  (252): View more from North Carolina

  she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"

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  (252): she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN" http://tfl.nu/vt0o
  Replies (7) Good night (1258) Bad night (754)
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him

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  (858): He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him http://tfl.nu/yvui
  Replies (12) Good night (2433) Bad night (801)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!

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  (406): We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?! http://tfl.nu/cb95
  Replies (3) Good night (615) Bad night (398)
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  (551): View more from New Jersey

  I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!

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  (551): I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?! http://tfl.nu/sdve
  Replies (5) Good night (921) Bad night (355)
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.

  (1-205): View more from Alabama

  WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING

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  (205): That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor. (1-205): WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING http://tfl.nu/uvee
  Replies (3) Good night (593) Bad night (329)
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  I can't wait to tell mom.

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  (920): He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me? (262): I can't wait to tell mom. http://tfl.nu/c20r
  Replies (2) Good night (557) Bad night (681)
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.

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  (586): What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents. http://tfl.nu/qe34
  Replies (2) Good night (731) Bad night (387)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?

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  (480): He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right? http://tfl.nu/qib4
  Replies (6) Good night (661) Bad night (821)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?

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  (615): Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation? http://tfl.nu/r601
  Replies (2) Good night (342) Bad night (505)

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