my vag is so smooth its legendary
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it