True but thats because hes a fetus.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Found the puke drawer
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.