Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(619): View more from California

I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.

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(850): View more from Florida

The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.

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(847): View more from Illinois

i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.

(1-847): View more from Illinois

that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.

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(234): View more from Ohio

if we break up, who will get the dealer?

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(917): View more from New York City

She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.

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(519): View more from Ontario

Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.

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(281): View more from Texas

So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.

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(703): View more from Virginia

You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it

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