Texts From Last Night

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  (830): View more from Texas

  You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin

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  (830): You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin http://tfl.nu/1khj
  Replies (7) Good night (817) Bad night (1665)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.

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  (706): I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor. http://tfl.nu/s5q7
  Replies (21) Good night (2056) Bad night (4391)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.

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  (704): Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people. http://tfl.nu/g4iv
  Replies (6) Good night (3594) Bad night (733)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood

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  (440): I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood http://tfl.nu/iriz
  Replies (15) Good night (889) Bad night (4536)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.

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  (484): Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere. http://tfl.nu/h3z2
  Replies (7) Good night (2714) Bad night (780)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night

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  (615): No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night http://tfl.nu/p85n
  Replies (1) Good night (666) Bad night (659)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.

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  (203): Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic. http://tfl.nu/uabe
  Replies (2) Good night (1097) Bad night (601)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night

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  (847): She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night http://tfl.nu/5dv7
  Replies (8) Good night (1398) Bad night (434)
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  (914): View more from New York

  Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.

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  (914): Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo. http://tfl.nu/y2dk
  Replies (4) Good night (479) Bad night (789)
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  (928): View more from Arizona

  It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".

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  (928): It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams". http://tfl.nu/l9ee
  Replies (6) Good night (454) Bad night (832)
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  (819): View more from Quebec

  I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.

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  (819): I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis. http://tfl.nu/mdgl
  Replies (2) Good night (341) Bad night (406)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out

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  (715): Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out http://tfl.nu/7lpk
  Replies (5) Good night (1135) Bad night (277)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.

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  (919): Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds. http://tfl.nu/9jhi
  Replies (8) Good night (324) Bad night (837)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.

  (1-678): View more from Georgia

  I want to change all my life goals to that.

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  (678): Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans. (1-678): I want to change all my life goals to that. http://tfl.nu/4r6x
  Replies (3) Good night (524) Bad night (248)
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  (951): View more from California

  oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.

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  (951): oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin. http://tfl.nu/odt8
  Replies (2) Good night (364) Bad night (140)

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