That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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