Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  you want me

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  i'd rather choke on a dick.

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  (773): you want me (978): i'd rather choke on a dick. http://tfl.nu/nrvz
  Replies (3) Good night (964) Bad night (1601)
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.

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  (774): I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me. http://tfl.nu/t4sa
  Replies (9) Good night (687) Bad night (2812)
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis

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  (952): i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis http://tfl.nu/alsr
  Replies (18) Good night (3158) Bad night (860)
• Favorite

  (563): View more from Iowa

  Your favorite bartender is back from prision

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  (563): Your favorite bartender is back from prision http://tfl.nu/uuje
  Replies (12) Good night (6455) Bad night (814)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand

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  (215): it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand http://tfl.nu/1wqs
  Replies (11) Good night (3917) Bad night (634)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.

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  (616): I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon. http://tfl.nu/lqe8
  Replies (29) Good night (1181) Bad night (4006)
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  "Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"

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  (905): "Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends" http://tfl.nu/crxa
  Replies (17) Good night (5020) Bad night (802)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.

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  (716): Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten. http://tfl.nu/4lci
  Replies (15) Good night (7186) Bad night (1425)
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.

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  (905): Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home. http://tfl.nu/by9e
  Replies (18) Good night (5142) Bad night (883)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.

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  (248): She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot. http://tfl.nu/w0w1
  Replies (37) Good night (5083) Bad night (1069)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.

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  (508): she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it. http://tfl.nu/mcxs
  Replies (38) Good night (1599) Bad night (7217)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes

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  (845): It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes http://tfl.nu/nbul
  Replies (9) Good night (606) Bad night (2608)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro

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  (404): I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro http://tfl.nu/8m8i
  Replies (5) Good night (1152) Bad night (601)
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.

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  (760): I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death. http://tfl.nu/3p5q
  Replies (12) Good night (1274) Bad night (484)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.

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  (804): We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon. http://tfl.nu/tgyh
  Replies (2) Good night (863) Bad night (220)

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