Fine. I'll sleep in my office
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
