I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
