I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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