then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
