Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
