how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
