I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
