dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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