I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
