dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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