Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
