i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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