Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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