The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Randomize
