please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
