can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
