He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
