You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
