that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
