I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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