I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
