It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
