my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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