I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
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