If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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