They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
