Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
