My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
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Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
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I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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