i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
