I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
