Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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