i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
