Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
