Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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