WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
