Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
