Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
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