was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
