i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize