Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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